Me vs. Crabgrass

“Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons.” Dave Barry

I used to have such a beautiful front lawn. Before I bought the house, I would walk by it and admire the front lawn– it was lush and so beautiful! I even sat down in the shade of the trees when passing by (the house was vacant at the time). We have the best front yard on the entire street.

But then, the floods hit, a few years in a row. We are at the bottom of a small incline, so our yard got the brunt of the flooding. When the waters ebbed, our front yard was filled, several times, with trash, soot, and about 1/2″ of silt from the road. It basically killed my front yard. Now, the yard is FILLED with evil, evil crabgrass. I’ve managed to ignore it, because so many other parts of the yard needed attention. But I think this year, the crabgrass may go too far.

I HATE CRABGRASS!!! Did you realize that crabgrass is NOT native to North America? Nope! The idiots in government had it brought over from Africa in 1849, to feed draft animals. GRRRRRR. And we want these idjits to run health care? Thank you, NO.

So…. I don’t know what to do. For years, I’ve considered buying chemicals to expunge the crapgrass, er, I mean crabgrass, from my lawn. I don’t like chemicals. But it’s either Scott’s Step 1 Crabgrass Killer treatment, or I ask Los Alamos to detonate my yard… because all this weeding and lawn mowing isn’t doing anything…

The only silver lining to this cloud is that Buy.com has good prices on garden materials and supplies, so it won’t cost me an arm and a leg. Plus, I like to give Buy.com business. They are cool- they have funny commercials with Howie. And they have always given me the best service, and they have spectacular sales all the time.

So… I’d better read the crabgrass its last rites, because it’s days are numbered. Of course, I still have two feet of snow on top of it, but all in good time…